News

Randy Mortified that World Peace Professor Is So Stupid. “He Doesn’t Even Understand PHP!”

Susquehanna Institute of Technology freshman Randy Wallach called home in tears Friday to ask his parents for advice about transferring to a different university. “The faculty is incredibly incompetent,” said Wallach. “My computer science classes are fine, but they force us to take these annoying courses that have nothing to do with our majors.” According […]

News

Board Announces 12th Failed Search for Visionary Change Agent Who Makes Everyone Comfortable

Belmont University announced Wednesday that the twelfth search for a new vice president for student life had ended without a successful candidate. “We found two finalists who were very nice and compliant and able to please everyone,” said political science professor Bailey Miles, who chaired the search committee. “Sadly, neither of them brought any fresh […]