Results from Global Tour Guide Study: Every Campus Is Exactly the Same
The world of college admissions was rocked this week when a study of tour guides representing every university in the world revealed that in three key categories, there is absolutely no difference.
How is the food at your school?
It's not mom's cooking, but you can always find something. It's all about ... Continue Reading
University Staffer Sets Standard for Remarkable Collection
by Anselmo Watkins
Freelance Writer
Wahrouda University IT staffer Edgar Calhoun takes his business cards very seriously.
On August 31, in an impromptu hallway meeting with Professor of Biochemistry Eli North, Calhoun finally exchanged business cards with the reclusive emeritus professor, giving him a complete set of Wahrouda University business cards. It took ... Continue Reading
GA Forgets Salad Bar, Ruins Diversity Retreat
by Joel Pettigrew
Freelance Writer
This past weekend saw diversity disaster strike at the annual Vice President’s Diversity Retreat at Great Forest State Park in Colorado. The retreat, sponsored by Two Hills University, was coordinated this year by Alex Grey, a second-year master’s student. The retreat itself was running smoothly ... Continue Reading
Foundation Director Ousted After Series of Financially Irresponsible Good Intentions
by Aloysius St. Bernard
Freelance Writer
Nathan Gorman has been terminated from his position as Director of the Peyton Randolph University Foundation, after deep losses to the university's endowment fund landed the institution, one of Virginia's oldest, on a Department of Education list of colleges that failed to pass a test of ... Continue Reading
Students Confused by Abstract Orientation
by Brody K. Truce
Senior Staff Writer
On the heels of four years of negative feedback about student orientation, the Office of Student Orientation at The College of Eastern Nevada took an unusual departure from their normal agenda this year.
“Times have changed and our students don’t want to sit through hours of ... Continue Reading
University Reveals Roommate Matching was Whimsical Social Experiment
Posted on Friday, August 27th 2010
Tags: assignments, compatibility, housing, pairings, process, residence, roommate
Tags: assignments, compatibility, housing, pairings, process, residence, roommate
by Irma Pelt
Senior Staff Writer
Residential students at Hillgate University are questioning everything they believed to be true about their roommate relationships after it was revealed that their preference surveys were not actually considered in the assignment process.
“We have received information that one of our staff members thought it was permissible ... Continue Reading
An End to Student “Affairs” at Robertus Magnus Magnificus
by Erica Price
Freelance Writer
A vote of no confidence was postponed this week at Robertus Magnus Magnificus College in Shellsbury Maryland, indicating growing support for the college's president, Monsignor Edgar Shriver. Monsignor Shriver's alleged lack of vision and leadership had raised considerable concerns since he took office last year, but a ... Continue Reading
Arizona Central University Proposes Deportation Sanction for Academic Misconduct
Posted on Wednesday, August 25th 2010
Tags: academic, arizona, honesty, immigration, plagiarism, sanctions
Tags: academic, arizona, honesty, immigration, plagiarism, sanctions
by Matthew Michael
Freelance Writer
Inspired by state legislation that authorizes all Arizonans to deport others at will, the Student Conduct Office at Arizona Central University has proposed deportation as a sanction for academic misconduct cases.
Seventy percent of the campus is in favor of the tough, new penalty. That majority includes ... Continue Reading
Privileged White Collegians Respond to Dr. Laura Scandal
Posted on Tuesday, August 24th 2010
Tags: bigotry, diversity, dr. laura, inclusion, institutional, racism, systemic
Tags: bigotry, diversity, dr. laura, inclusion, institutional, racism, systemic
White college personnel from across the country have sighed in collective relief, as Dr. Laura Schlessinger faces harsh criticism from liberals and conservatives alike following her recent use of racial epithets on her radio talk show.
“We were getting a little nervous,” said an anonymous university human resources director. “We haven't ... Continue Reading
CronkNews Documentary Film: “Move-In Day”
Posted on Monday, August 23rd 2010
Tags: dorm, helicopter, languange, mom, parent, politically correct, residence hall
Tags: dorm, helicopter, languange, mom, parent, politically correct, residence hall
... Continue Reading

