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by Diana Senechal Freelance Writer Do you say “sorry” when someone pushes past you in line? Do you make a point of wishing your friends a happy birthday? Do you rush for napkins when someone spills coffee? Do you tweet good wishes to the world at night? Do you congratulate a friend who wins a [...]

Sh*t Student Affairs Professionals WISH They Could Sayby: IrmaPelt

Sh*t Student Affairs Professionals Say by: IrmaPelt, Senior Staff Writer

Academia can be a hostile place, with English professors telling you to use “an” before “hostile” before you get the words out of your mouth! Here are some issues that have troubled our correspondents recently. Dear Mr. Academic: I am a secretary at a local college where a young guy recently chatted me up in [...]

by John Dolphin Staff Writer Dr. Neal Gregory, professor of sociology in the Gellman School of Humanities has made a recent purchase that caused some waves on his small campus. Over the break, Gregory purchased a new vehicle. The faculty parking lot is now home to a blue 2010 Smart Car. The miniature vehicle has [...]

by Skye Kopfgeschlagen Staff Writer Professors at Harmony University reported Wednesday a mass number of assignments as “late, missing or my dog ate it” due to the Wikipedia Blackout to protest SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act)/PIPA (Protect Intellectual Property Act). Large numbers of students were seen running screaming “WHY?!” from computer screens Wednesday as Wikipedia [...]

by Monty Tufnel Freelance Writer Carolyn Munchen, a graduate student in English Literature at Smothers University, set a new world record today when she was appointed her 13thdissertation director. Dr. Horace B. Glastonberry, Victorian scholar and Smothers’ full professor, agreed to be Munchen’s dissertation director for the almost completed “Mirrors and Skylights: Image and Reflection [...]

First-year MIT aerospace engineering major Melvin Aucoin faced his biggest analytical problem to date last Saturday. “I had just finished competing in the Massachusetts Problem Solving Aerolympics and I was asked to fill out a form so they could mail me my engraved trophy,” said Aucoin, who scored a 2390 on his SATs. “This wasn’t [...]

by Diana Senechal Freelance Writer Binghamton, New York—At Novum Organum College’s annual faculty meeting, President Murphy Murgatroyd announced that 100 percent of the college’s materials and teaching methods would be research-based by 2014. “This means everything you do must be backed by science,” said Murgatroyd. “We won’t use a seminar format, for instance, just because [...]