Students Must Return Orientation Safety Magnets as Act of Contrition

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Following the lead of the NCAA, six universities are requiring that their freshmen return the complimentary magnets given to them by their campus security offices at orientation.

“We applaud the NCAA for taking back Florida State’s trophies because some of the FSU student athletes were involved in academic dishonesty,” said Marjorie Kapp, Penn State-Butler’s assistant dean of student conduct. “We’ve had some incidents of plagiarism here at PSB this year, and we love the idea of punishing all students.”

“Those magnets aren’t free,” agreed PSB campus safety director Marty Grogan, who designed the magnets that provide important safety-related resources. “They come with a responsibility to do the right thing. When students need help with a life or death emergency and they don’t have their magnets, they’ll know who to blame.”

PSB is using the honor system to enforce magnet collection. So far, none have been returned.