University food service personnel have asked for an amendment to the federal Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) to include food allergies as an official learning disability. Margot Eckers, director of cafeteria services at St. Libertine College, is a proponent of the amendment. “Some students with allergies are fine, but we deal with dozens who seem [...]

“Thanks a lot, Princeton Review” said a sign hanging in the window of a Cal Tech student apartment this week. “Now I’ll never get laid.” As the US media regaled the success of Penn State in achieving noteriety as this year’s “#1 Party School,” Cal Tech students responded cheerlessly to the news of earning the [...]

For decades, professors of physics and business administration have been closing in on developing a viable vacuum for college committee ideas, but scientists do not predict a clear breakthrough in this millennium. “Despite advancements in technology, we haven’t quite reached a point where we can eliminate the silliness of report writing,” admits Rodney Alfresht, the [...]

The Texas Supreme Court threw out a lawsuit brought by a University of Midcentral Texas student this week. Senior Justin Haevner accused UMT of administrative errors that resulted in Haevner graduating one semester later than he intended. Haevner explained in his deposition, “I changed my major from Mass Communication to Business Communication, and I got [...]

In a shocking revelation this week, thousands of cool college students were exposed as former nerds. Professors are unsure what to think, and colleges are wondering how to address the enraged students and parents who have befriended the disguised geeks. “I guess I never actually asked my roommate if he was a dweeb, but I [...]

The same day Penn State was named the country’s top party school, the National Puke Association also honored the Nittany Lions with the 2009 Vomit of Honor Award for producing the most intellectual and noble chunks in the USA. “We are humbled by this award,” announced an executive from Penn State. “We wish to thank [...]

Chemistry student Rebekka Mitorly sustained second and third degree burns in a lab accident at Lake Huron University on Monday. Burn specialists are treating her upper buttocks and inner breasts at Eau Claire Memorial Hospital in Wisconsin. “We feel awful for Rebekka,” said an LHU faculty member in a public statement, “but we’re disappointed in [...]

Taking a lesson from the LA Scholars Program, which is seeking to place students in work experiences related to the videogame industry, St. Pete State College has begun recruiting students for a host of innovative internships. “The LA Scholars Program is attempting to tap into students’ current interests, and we think that’s a terrific idea, [...]

A groundbreaking ceremony took place at the University of West Kansas Monday in celebration of what will be a $10 million benchmark – the largest, most expensive benchmark in the United States. “Now, when you’re looking for benchmarks, you will think of Kansas,” boasted Trustee, Al Phillips, who personally donated $2 million to the project. [...]

Michigan Southern University Description Immerse yourself in multiple professional organizations and work your ass off. Provide laser-sharp focus to attending conferences and serving on conference-related committees. Become close buddies with individuals you will see once or twice a year. Perks include lots of travel opportunities and certificates you can hang on your office wall. Don’t [...]