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Public Demands Higher Ed Reform. Doesn’t Understand What the &^*# Colleges are Doing.

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"I really thought my study 'Developing a Synthetic Route for Phenothiazin-5-ium Analogues for the Potential Photodynamic Therapy Treatment' would be a hit with the public," said biochemist Ken Huffey.
“I really thought my study ‘Developing a Synthetic Route for Phenothiazin-5-ium Analogues for the Potential Photodynamic Therapy Treatment’ would be a hit this year,” said biochemist Ken Huffey. “How could anyone dislike Phenothizin 5-ium?”

Taxpayers from 36 states have formed a lobbying group called the National Witchdog Group to pressure legislators and President Obama to restrict the funding of obviously-ridiculous university research. Group representative Amy Rohrbach who describes herself as “just an average citizen of Kansas” says she is tired of seeing her tax money go to colleges performing “research that has absolutely nothing to do with my wellbeing.”

A recent Witchdog newsletter pointed out published articles such as a UCLA professor’s “Phthlate Esters in Relation to Oncological Remediation” show clear fiscal negligence on the part of universities and the government that funds them. “It’s irresponsible,” says Rohrbach. “Do they expect us to keep paying our hard-earned money for this kind of crap that no one really cares about? My mother died of breast cancer last year. Where were these academic muckety mucks then?”

When asked to describe the material in her article, UCLA professor Melissa Randall explained, “I’m studying new ways to prevent breast cancer. Plastic additives (phthlate esters), such as those used in bottled water seem to be the culprit in an increasing number of cases.”

When asked for a response, a representative for Witchdog said, “Oh. I wish they had just said that at the beginning.”