Corporatecorp International admitted publically to selling out on Monday when it hired pretentious recent graduate of Mother Madre University Shawndra Stimpson. “We really wanted to offer the job to Hank Jeffers, a seasoned hard-working fellow from Detroit, but we didn’t want to pay for the move to our headquarters in Houston,” confessed HR manager Grover Hillman. “We’re gearing up for the cross-generational training retreat as we speak.”
According to Martin Kaste of National Public Radio, decisions like these are becoming more common in the recessed economy, as companies must cut back on hiring expenses.
Shawndra expressed elation at the job offer in a statement issued by her mom: “I knew I was special – my parents told me that, but I’m surprised and disappointed Mr. Hankers didn’t know. I’m excited to start work so I can hurry up and figure out how to fit in my two daily spinning classes.”
Fellow-Millennial Roger Wootson worries about the reinforcement of Millennial stereotypes perpetuated by hiring decisions such as those made by Corporatecorp. “I swear, I work my butt off, and when I graduate next year, I don’t want to be considered a spoiled brat.”
“Hey, kid,” retorted Hillman in a memo. “We were just trying to save some money.”