Mean Old China Gets Great PR from University of Illinois Admissions Scandal

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In a recent press conference, Chinese diplomats were quoted as saying, \”Hey, United States! We\’re rubber and you\’re glue. What you say bounces off our honorable country and sticks to you.\”

America’s easiest human rights scapegoat, China, took advantage of the admissions scandal at the University of Illinois to show the world that it’s really not as bad as everyone thinks. in fact, the Chinese higher education system has increased quotas for the admission of poor students.

“Darn you, Illinois!” said an insider in the Department of Education. “We need all the scapegoats we can get, or people will remember what dummies American students are. Thank goodness we\’ve been digging up dirt on India lately.\”