University Charged with Human Trafficking after Hocking Football Team

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Residents of Gridertown, Wyoming were shocked and sickened Monday morning when they saw Gridertown U’s star quarterback and wide receiver in the front window of Slappy McGee’s Pawn Emporium.

Investigators found that GU’s president had hocked the men’s football team for $854,000. Allegedly, after hearing about the creative financing deal in which Greensboro College used its own campus as collateral for a loan, President Malcolm Voorhes thought he could use the same concept to pull GU out of its recession-era endowment woes.

“Slappy was enthusiastic when I posed the idea, but I didn’t have a lot to bargain with,” said President Voorhes from his cell in Big Horn County Jail. “Our football team is the only revenue-generating thing we have on our campus right now. It seemed perfect. I hadn’t thought about the slavery aspect of the deal. Good thing he didn’t accept my initial offer to sell the Women’s Studies department.”