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Rich Kids Forced to Go to Ivy League Safety Schools after Illinois Scandal

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Children of rich dignitaries who had once dreamed of coasting through high school then attending the University of Illinois have been forced to focus on new goals since the University was caught making preferential admissions decisions for applicants from privileged families.

“I really wanted to go to U of Illinois,” said one high school junior whose father and mother are a US senator and an heir to a corporate empire. “I guess I’m going to have to go to Harvard now. The whole thing blows. I didn’t do anything wrong, and now this opportunity has been taken away. My life is ruined now.”