Exclusive Interview with the Weird Guy at the End of the Hall

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After years of speculation about the weird guy on every dorm hall in America, sat down one-on-one to find out what makes him tick.

CronkNews: Who are you?
Weird Guy:     I’m just that guy down the hall. I don’t come out a lot.

CronkNews:    Why haven’t you made friends with anyone else on the floor?
Weird Guy:     I seem to be an interesting topic for the other kids on the hall. It’s important that I exist so other students can have something to discuss while they’re defining their identities as young adults.

CN: So, your motives aren’t negative?
WG:     Oh, no. Just because I don’t shower much or say hello to people when they greet me, doesn’t mean I don’t care about them. I’m actually there to give them a common experience and a sense that they’re normal. When they’re nervous about fitting in, they can say, “At least I’m not like that guy.” Barking is my way of contributing to a shared sense of community.

CN:      This generation has experienced violence like campus shootings. Is the Weird Guy still a relevant icon? You’re kinda creepy.
WG:     (Laughs) If I had a nickel for every time an RA has come to my room to say, “I’m a little worried about you…”

CN:      Where do you weird guys end up?
Occasionally, one of us finds a career that includes lots of opportunities for staring, but for the most part, we stay in the dorms. We’ll always be there.