Science Major Burned in Lab Accident. Professors Blame Her Poor Fashion Sense.

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Chemistry student Rebekka Mitorly sustained second and third degree burns in a lab accident at Lake Huron University on Monday. Burn specialists are treating her upper buttocks and inner breasts at Eau Claire Memorial Hospital in Wisconsin.

“We feel awful for Rebekka,” said an LHU faculty member in a public statement, “but we’re disappointed in her fashion judgment. Low rider jeans went out of fashion in 2007 – 2008 at best. Her butt crack trousers and cleavagely inappropriate tank top were a terrible choice for 2009. Unfortunately, they also provided attractive crevices for a spilled bottle of acid. We know lab coats are a boring cliché, but come on. Where’s the pride?”

LHU has sent Mitorly a subscription to Elle magazine and a gift certificate to Uniform Emporium Outlet to keep her busy during her recovery.