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UCLA Undies Runners Just Want to Be Treated Like Adults

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As UCLA\’s Undie Run, the seven-year tradition of stripping down and sprinting in bras and tighty whities, comes to an end, students are crying foul.

\”Colleges keep saying that students are adults, but they don\’t treat us that way,\” said one student leader. \”We just want to run around in our underwear like real grown-ups. The administration is hurting our feelings by oppressing our rights. I heard that last week, they closed down a keg party just because a couple people had to be transported to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. I hate these fascists.\”

\”Higher education should be helping us hone our wisdom by letting us practice making our own decisions,\” added a slightly more articulate student who cried when she heard the news. \”How are we going to be able to make decisions about mortgages or careers if we can\’t run around disturbing the community?\”