Rick Pitino Uses Pimp Hairdo to Deflect Attention from Sex Scandal

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As stories of Louisville men\’s basketball coach Rick Pitino\’s sex and extortion scandal gain momentum, Pitino has employed a rare voodoo enchantment that entices watchers to focus on his greasy pompadour instead of the allegations of sexual assault, abortion and extortion.

\”Do not stare directly into the hair,\” advises a hexologist once employed as a PR agent for Dennis Rodman. \”We\’re not sure whether its the oil or the bad dye job, and until a proper diagnosis is made, scandal lovers could be in danger.\”