The past decades have seen revolutionary changes in sex-unfriendly dorm mattress technology, along with noble reasons for the innovations. “I have chafing marks on my back from dorm sex,” complained student Corrine Bing. “It’s hard enough fitting two people into a twin bed, but it’s really humiliating when the rubber mattress makes those weird friction [...]

Small Hill University, Idaho Description The position includes supervision, leadership and communication, and our internal candidate Gillian Jaeger already has all the credentials we seek. Successful candidate will oversee staff selection and development and collaborate productively with the colleagues who already really like Gillian. Position reports directly to the dean of students, who has a [...]

Barely beating out two other colleges this year, Portland Maine University (PMU) became the first institution in the country to recruit a perfect freshman class. “Faculty and staff have been urging us to recruit perfect students,” said director of enrollment, Tobey Tuttle, “and this year we got sick of the requests and just did it. [...]

Phillmore College announced the creation of a new Associate Chancellor for Systemic Change position, to be filled by Dr. Juanita Jakobson. “There are lots of problems at the College that can only be solved through a comprehensive cultural change,” said Dr. Jakobson. The president is too busy to work on the systemic changes, so I’m [...]

Responding to its consistently low ratings in the Chronicle of Higher Education’s employee satisfaction reports, Cramer College took a bold step last year to improve morale. Departments doubled the number of staff meetings workers were expected to attend each week. “Employees told us in an anonymous survey that they feel communication was the number one [...]

As research shows that the demographics of Facebook users have changed from college students to their parents, the generational divide in modern social awareness has widened. “I signed up for Facebook so I could stalk my son,” said Mrs. Kratzer from Napa, CA. “When I realized how easy it was to make friends, I was [...]

St. Wesley’s College in Minnesota is pleased to announce approval of its first master’s degree program in Literal Arts. Students may apply now to enroll in the first cohort studying the new curriculum. Admissions requirements include the following: Successful completion of BA or BS in Black & White Thinking Proven ability to ignore big-picture goals [...]

Please mark your calendars for Friday’s pity party to honor Gwendalin Dixon. Gwendalin has been reassigned from her role as Vice President of Academic Affairs to step into the newly created Director of Special Secret Programs position. In this position, which was specifically designed for her unique and wonderful skill set, Dr. Dixon will be [...]

CronkNews.com has challenged its staff, through manipulation, threats and temper tantrums, to improve social networking. The goal: to attract 100 Twitter followers before Ashton Kutcher recruits 4 million. Results so far: 09/17/09 Competition Start Date ____________ 09/19/09 Latest Tally _________ Kutcher Followers 3,548,800 3,621,866 CronkNews Followers 39 47 Kutcher seems to be underachieving, with his [...]

Emma Watson, the brainy class-act of Harry Potter noteriety, enrolled at Brown University this month, ending a year-long battle between Ivy League admissions departments. Conversely, we asked college people from around the country whom they would avoid like H1N1, and we received these results: “Lindsay Lohan. Our department is already understaffed.” -Director of Counseling Services, [...]