College Graduates Blame Economy for Consequences of Skankiness

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New college alumni with strong GPAs are blaming corporate downsizing for their limited job opportunities.

There just aren’t any jobs,” says marketing major Stephanie Kolliar from Crockett University. “I keep going to interviews, but I can tell as soon as I meet the interviewers that they’re not going to hire me.”

Companies around the country have differing opinions. “We have fewer jobs,” admits corporate recruiter Betty Szukes, “but millennial candidates like Ms. Kolliar are putting us in a terrible situation. If we interview someone with a little more work ethic and a little less butt cleavage, we’re ready to put them to work. For a candidate, if you show up at an interview with a tattoo of a dragon tongue wrapped around your neck, we consider that a bit of a red flag.”

Disclaimer: We wrote this article before the whole Trina Thompson lawsuit. She beat us to the punchline, and we can\’t help but feel bitter. Well, bitter and employed. Hahahahahaha!!!