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by Leah Wescott

Op Ed

When CronkNews went to press this week, Ashton Kutcher had 3,548,800 Twitter
and CronkNews had 39.

Unacceptable, staffers! Our media team is working its butts off to build readership for our beloved satirical rag, but our Twitter numbers look like s**t. Don’t get me started on our 8 Facebook Fans (including me).

I, Leah Wescott, editor-in-chief of, issue this challenge to the PR department: Double our number of Twitter followers before Kutcher hits 4,000,000 or face the consequences.

Allegedly, our college-age demographic doesn’t Tweet, but I don’t care. Win this competition with Ashton Kutcher. Win it now.

Also, could someone please get me a cup of coffee?