Deans Dress as Doofuses in Misguided Attempt to Earn US News Attention

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In a humiliating act of powermongering, dozens of college presidents forced subordinant administrators to dress in red afro wigs and rubber noses in response to a rumor that the US News & World Report planned to add a new category “Physical Comedy” to the criteria for the famous college rankings.

It was a terrible mistake,” said an insider from Adams & Lee University. “Someone at a trustees conference swore he overheard someone from US News talking about physical comedy among a group of college administrators. Our president works aggressively to stay ahead of the curve to improve our national reputation, and saw it as an opportunity.”

In retrospect, firing the Nobel Laureate who oversees our Holocaust Studies program for not riding a unicycle to work was slightly inappropriate,” said one president. “But we hope people understand. We just wanted to be prestigious.”

Perhaps they heard us talking about our new \’fiscal committee\’?” one US News representative guessed. \”Or maybe they mistook us for the Princeton Review.\”