Wanted: Skinny Neurotic Wellness Instructors

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higheredjobsMultiple Immediate Openings
Metropolitan University, NY

Several credentialed wellness instructors to teach numerous sections of university’s mandated “Happiness Through Nutrition and Fitness” course.

Must have advanced degree in Physical Science, Nutrition or a related field. Must be disgustingly fit, but still hyper-worried about body image. Preference will be given to candidates who practice excessive teeth whitening and tanning, wear acrylic nails, and get a little freaky when they can’t make it to their Meditative Yoga Relaxation classes.