Submitted by Brody Truce, Staff Writer
Penbrooke State University, VA
The Penbrooke State University Office of Public Safety is currently seeking highly qualified law enforcement professionals—or dudes who like to ride bikes—for an exciting new career in campus safety.
Ability to pedal required. Actual law enforcement experience optional. Clean criminal background check preferred. In addition, the ideal candidate will possess the following:
- Dexterity to make phone calls and/or text while riding a bicycle
- Desire to wear a belt with lots of compartments
- An erroneous opinion that this position carries actual authority with local law enforcement officials
- A strong, yet slightly misguided sense of right and wrong (a cursory understanding of some University policies is also acceptable)
- Ability to accessorize bright spandex shorts and sunglasses
- A belief that mace, tasers and/or billy clubs will add to your credibility/authority when confronting noise violations.
If you think you have what it takes, just stop by the Office of Public Safety for an interview. No resumes, please.