University Updates Respect Credo with Shocking Honesty

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Many universities have followed the lead of the University of South Carolina by implementing institutional values statements like the Carolinian Creed. One courageous college president, Bryan Gossinger of Des Moines State University, asked his faculty governance board to look carefully at its statement to check for accuracy.

In response, the faculty senate voted to add the following clarifications to the DMSU Statement of Grandeur. Corrections are noted in red:

I will respect the dignity of all persons except weird students because, honestly, they\’re just asking for it;

I will discourage bigotry, while striving to learn from differences in people, ideas and opinions unless they are Republicans;

I will demonstrate concern for others, their feelings, and their need for conditions which support their work and development unless it conflicts with my attempt to earn tenure or promotion.

“At first, I was uncomfortable changing our Grandeur Statement,” said one professor. “But now I\’m relieved that we can be ourselves. We\’re proud to claim that we have the first honest honor code in the country.”