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CronkNews Concedes Defeat in Twitter Competition with Ashton Kutcher

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Leah Wescott, Editor-in-Chief of the new satirical blog the Cronk of Higher Education held a press conference Saturday to offer congratulations to Ashton Kutcher following a 2-month-long Twitter competition.

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As photographers snapped pictures, Wescott let her emotions show. Wiping a tear, she set aside her written script. “We\’re just a bunch of hacks, trying to find an audience and he\’s a gorgeous popular media icon. I\’m not sure how I ever thought we could compete.”

Allegedly, Wescott–who lies about her age, but seems to identify a little too closely with Michelle Pfeiffer\’s recent role opposite Kutcher on Lifetime Television for Women–also has a crush on Kutcher, which she failed to disclose to her PR team.

“We feel like that cougar set us up to lose,” said CronkNews\’s publicity director, “but we hope she can redeem herself.”

Rumor has it, CronkNews has plans for another Twitter-off. “We found an illiterate soy bean farmer in Kansas who just started tweeting,” explained a CronkNews writer. “We think we can reach 100 followers before he has his first million. We need a little time to regroup and reflect now, but we hope to issue the challenge before the new year.”