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New iPhone Apps for Student-Weary Tenured Professors: Homework Humiliator

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Graduate students at the Galveston Institute of Technology (GIT) are close to completing a helpful new iPhone app for tenured professors who prefer not to interface with students. Projected for release next month:

Homework Humiliator

This app interfaces with online homework programs such as WebAssign. Professors can choose the degree of humiliation, including Level 1: Subtle Ballbuster. This includes an automatically changing the number of digits expected after a decimal point in order for a response to be considered correct. Just when a student types in the right answer of 54, the app will accept only 54.00. Brilliant!

For more senior faculty, whose tenure status has protected them from years of poor teaching evaluations, Level 10: Hostile Warfare may feel more appropriate. When students respond incorrectly to a homework question, a recording of the professor\’s voice will be sent to the student\’s voice mail. Messages like “You imbecile! I\’ll make sure you never graduate!” will motivate students to be more diligent in their efforts. For an additional 50 cents each month, the voice message will auto-erase, destroying all evidence of abuse.

Cost: $.99

Can you afford not to have this app?