In Bold Move, College Replaces Tenure with Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Cards

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In a stunning move, Lime County College, CA voted to abandon a 125-year tradition of tenure in order to implement a new system that involves granting professors a stack of Get-Out-of-Jail-Free cards.

We found traditional tenure practices tiresome,” said faculty chair Moses Stanley. “If I have to read another thick stack of portfolio materials, I think I\’ll retire early.”

From now on, faculty will still be expected to meet expectations of scholarship, teaching and service, but they will have a stack of redemption cards available in case there are performance problems. “It\’s like a 300-strikes-and-you\’re-out rule,” explained Stanley.

We think this method will set a new standard for efficiency,” said trustee Jeanie Berman. “Our competent faculty and deans are spending too much time serving on grievance committees or trying to improve departmental teaching evaluations. Now, they can focus on what really matters.”

How have students reacted to the new plan?” we asked in an interview with several professors and trustees.

It doesn\’t involve them,” they said in unison.