by Leah Wescott
Residents of the Tharp School of the Arts Theater House voted to eject acting major Coco DeRosa because she did not bring enough drama to the dorm community
“She was so boring,” said her roommate Violet Zizzle. “I don’t think I saw her cry once the whole time we lived together.”
Zizzle initially reported her concerns to the Theater House executive board after Coco asked her roommate if they could open the window shades and let in some natural light. “Things got worse when she asked me to stop cutting myself,” complained Zizzle in a subsequent report. “It’s like she was trying to stifle every bit of my creative energy.”
“The decision to oust Coco was easy,” said house president Bette Mazor. “We’d already cut her some slack for being completely hetero. After the disturbing behavior Violet reported, we took quick action.”
Housing officials at the Tharp School said they hoped to find Coco a single room in another dorm.
“Hopefully she’s learned her lesson,” noted house manager Tallulah Yeats. “Another episode of her intolerance could mean expulsion.”