Trustees of Cooper College held an emergency meeting over the weekend to decide how to respond to billionaire George Muff\’s offer to donate 51% of the much-needed revenue to build a new football stadium.
“During these economic times, it\’s been extremely difficult to find a donor,” said board president Kerwin Standish, “but come on. He\’s insisting that we name the field after him.”
Cooper athletic director Bucky Hargrove has already threatened to resign over the issue. “I\’m too old for the jokes. What are my colleagues going to say when I have to recruit someone to be the Muff lawn mower or the coach of Lady Muffs track?”
In 2001, Beaver College changed its name to Arcadia University, ending years of sophomoric jokes and admissions problems related to the institution\’s name.
“I don\’t see the problem,” announced Cooper president, Evie Jayna, in a speech to the mostly-male group of trustees. “We need to expedite this process so we can discuss the issues in Sach\’s Dormitory.”