RA Attempts Citizen’s Arrest at Local Starbucks

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by Irma Voigt
Staff Writer

A Resident Assistant at Southern Kentucky University took her job responsibilities too far during exam week, according to a press release from the University’s Office of Student Conduct.

“While studying for finals at our local Starbucks, the Resident Assistant became enraged at the noise generated by other patrons. She issued 24-hour quiet hour violation notices to customers, many of whom were not affiliated with the University,” stated Jim Pyree, Assistant Director of Conduct and Community Outreach.

“It was so weird,” said Starbucks patron Lindsey Green. “I mean, I was there talking with a friend and then this girl started yelling at all of us to go to our rooms or Midnight Brunch would be cancelled. I don’t even know what Midnight Brunch is.”

Midnight Brunch is an annual event sponsored by the Office of Student Housing at which faculty and staff members serve brunch to students who are up late studying for finals. The actual event was in no jeopardy of being cancelled, much to the relief of other campus students.

“We will not actually hold conduct meetings for the people who were cited by the Resident Assistant, regardless of their student status. Starbucks is not part of the University’s domain and therefore the quiet hours policy does not apply.

“Besides,” Pyree said, “I refuse to schedule a conduct meeting for a blender that was making java chip frappucinos and was one of the victims of this overzealous student’s rampage.”

The Resident Assistant, who has not been named by the University, was stripped of her flashlight and radio for the duration of finals week. She will resume regular job responsibilities in January when she joins the other staff members on campus for training.

“We’re going to ease her back into her role after she’s had time to rest,” said Lauren Carpenter, Assistant Director of Student Housing. “I hope that after some teambuilding activities, she can put this behind her.”