Students Still Blame Cafeteria for Red Bull Diarrhea

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by Leah Wescott

Overheard at the Old Charley’s Pub “Wings & Rings” happy hour:

redbullFreshman 1: I can’t stand the dorm cafeteria one more day. It gives me diarrhea. Oh my god, these wings are awesome.

Freshman 2: I know. The caf’ gives me acne and turns my teeth brown. Do you have a cigarette?

Freshman 1: I’m going to have to pull an all-nighter when I get home so I can write my Lit paper. We’d better stop for Red Bull on the way back.

Freshman 2: Good thinking. Let’s get lo-fat Doritos and candy, too. Twizzlers don’t have any fat. I’ve got my fake ID so we can get beer to celebrate the end of midterms. God, I’m so stressed about my Chem exam.

Freshman 1: I can’t wait until we can get an apartment and cook for ourselves. I hate that gross dorm food.

Repeat twice.