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by Leah Wescott
Editor-in-Chief

"My instructors assume that I'm hungover just because I'm late for class," said

“My instructors assume that I’m hungover just because I’m late for class,” said Pi Lambda Rho brother Malcom Jordan. “Now that I wear a tie on Wednesdays I won’t stand out so much when I come in.”

After decades of failed attempts to change faculty members’ negative impressions of fraternities, the male Greeks are still convinced that wearing wrinkled dress shirts and ties to class once a week will ultimately change opinions.

“Our big brothers told us that it’s important to instill a positive image with faculty,” said one pledge of Pi Lambda Rho. “I’m doing my part to make my professors understand our credo of ‘Honor, Image and Brother.’”

“We make all our pledges dress up,” added big brother Jimbo “Keg Stand” McClusky. “The jerk-off teachers here will finally appreciate how respectable we are.” When asked whether forcing pledges to dress up while the brothers dress casually is considered hazing, McClusky ended the interview. “F— this sh–. Every c—ks—er out there wants to ruin our attempts to show how f—ing professional we can be. No comment.”