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College Institutes No-Pants/No-Underpants Safety Rule

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Starting next week, students at the North Dakota College of Pre Med will enforce its new safety-related “No Pants, No Underwear” dress code.

We read about the controversial new ban on face coverings at the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Science and we knew we could take things to the next level,” said chief of campus security Abdul Nural. “We learned from the attempted bombing on Christmas day that people can hide all kinds of dangerous things in their underpants. \’Not on my watch!\’ is what I say.”

Just like the students at the Massachusetts school, our students will be expected to follow our dress code in all college related activities, including classes and off-campus internships,” explained campus judicial affairs director Selma DiPietro. “We will allow winter boots and warm socks, obviously. Any other clothing under the waist will be considered a violation.”

Students and parents are always resistant to change, but we know they\’ll eventually see that the no-pants rule is for their safety,” said dean of students Joshua Pominville. “In order to protect the community and its dignity, citizens must make sacrifices.”

I love the policy,” said Doug Hescht, professor of social justice. “In addition to bombs, students could have been hiding crib notes or electronic devices to help them cheat on tests. The no-pants policy will help protect our academic integrity as well as our safety.”