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To Compensate for Marginalization, Campus Employees Receive Job Title Bonuses

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After two years with no salary increases, employees at the University of Kansas-Smithfield, received notice that they would receive a holiday bonus of an enhanced job title. Human resources has received the following change requisitions:

  • Admissions counselor Molly Slomba will now be the Vice Provost for Enrollment

  • Formerly the Director of Student Leadership, Sylvester Fios will now be the Assistant Dean for Mentoring Student Enlightenment

  • Campus Center Manager Pablo DeRosa will now be the Main Artery of the Heart of the Campus.

UK-Smithfield predicts a marked increase in morale, for the bargain price of new business cards and letterhead.

When we\’re done,” said UK-Smithfield president Lowell Waterford, “we will have 170 deans, 240 vice presidents, 80 associate provosts and 100% happiness.”