Job Posting: Emotionally Fragile Campus Counselor

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Available for Fall Semester
Mother Madre University

In response to recent reports that campus counseling centers nationwide have had a 16% increase in students seeking assistance, Mother Madre University seeks two additional therapists.

The successful candidate will listen to tearful college students who tell tales of drama, psychosis and mild stress. Will offer meaningful, heart-felt feedback and plenty of tissues. Must consider every student issue a life-or-death circumstance.

Must be able to cry on command during staff meetings, family dinners or stressful phone conversations with colleagues. Must consider self the conscience of the campus and fearlessly call other administrators to tell them how to do their jobs.

Must take ongoing graduate coursework and use class time as a substitute for self-centric group therapy, regardless of the class topic.

Generous budget for self-help books. Free meditation fountain and
SAD lamp for office. Plenty of mental health days off.