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"I can't wait to show employers the 40-page printout of my e-portfolio," said an excited candidate. "I hope I've captured my reflections on each year of my life thoroughly enough."

Breaking a sacred confidentiality vow, an employer at the recent American College Personnel Association placement conference “Career Central” accidentally slipped the real use of candidate portfolios.

A candidate brought a laptop with her to her interview so she could show me her e-portfolio,” explained the employer. “By the thirtieth page, I couldn’t hold back and I spilled the beans.” The employer now faces charges with the National Student Affairs Ethics Board.

He told me candidates’ quality is in opposite proportion to the length of their portfolios,” explained the interviewee. “The longer the portfolio, the less likely they’ll like you. I spent the rest of the day in the special candidate massage room crying and on the phone with my mom.”

Members of the Ethics Board will meet soon to make a decision about the employer’s fate.

If the employer did reveal the portfolio secret, it could be a devastating blow to many interviewers,” said one member of the Board. “Employers depend on these blathering self-important portfolios for comedic relief during otherwise exhausting placement stints.”