Impossible-to-Follow Standards Lead to Budget Surplus for Finance-Savvy College

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by Irma Pelt
Senior Staff Writer

Tubinder University’s purchasing department announced last week that it would be enforcing stricter acquisition policies and procedures in the upcoming fiscal year. The new purchasing handbook, which is more than 400 pages, outlines the steps any university employee must follow to make a purchase on behalf of a department.

We benchmarked our policies against other institutions and found that we were greatly lagging in red tape and bureaucracy,” said Director of Purchasing Valerie Watkins. “To combat our formerly-lackadaisical approach, we’ve incorporated all of the policies of our aspirational institutions.”

University productivity is reportedly at an all-time low as faculty and staff struggle to find the supplies to manage even menial daily asks.

I tried to buy a stapler, but my university credit card was denied,” said Assistant Director of Marketing Paul Kozora.

Kozora later received an e-mail informing him that he had not completed the proper documentation to justify his purchase.

There was a form I was supposed to fill out in triplicate and submit to Purchasing. I also needed to provide assessment feedback from my stakeholders about how having a stapler would improve my customer service,” said Kozora.

Annette Boxley, Coordinator of Student Success, met similar challenges. “I am out of pens. I need pens to fill out the purchasing form. I am out of pens. You can see the quandary,” said Boxley.

Registered student organizations are subject to new guidelines for use of their allocated funding. Tubinder Program Board intended to show a movie and serve pizza on a Friday evening.

They wanted an exact list of the people who would be in attendance – including their student identification numbers – submitted a week in advance,” said Britta Mercer, traditional events chair for the program board.

Tubinder also announced last week that despite the state\’s sluggish economic status and projected funding deficits, the university has managed to produce a surplus in its budget.