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Futuristic Campus Dining Experience to Include Something Called a “Salad Bar”

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by Dash Phillips

Freelance

In a rousing announcement made today at Waverly State University, Claude Duncan Director of Dining Services, revealed the immediate implementation of a salad bar program in the Campus Dining Commons.

“I am so excited about this cutting edge upgrade” Duncan told a group of three students, two faculty members, and a WB Mason employee eating his lunch. Fearing that this dining concept might not be clear those listening, Duncan explained the various items seen in a salad bar.

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The crowd delighted when Duncan explained that there would be carrot slices and an always-available three-bean salad.

“This is what our campus community deserves,” Duncan said proudly.

Equally as pleasing to the group was his revelation that there would be four salad dressings available: French, Italian, Creamy Italian and Fat Free Italian.

“I’ve insisted on a fat free choice for our weight conscious students, faculty, and staff. It costs a bit more, but how can you skimp when it comes to good health?”

The Campus Committee on Sustainability provided some hurdles for Duncan’s initiative. They expressed, in writing to Dining Services, considerable ire over a raw corn selection in the salad bar, complaining about “the unholy amount of water it takes to grow corn.”

Some students also raised concerns. Marylee Ames, Chair of the Society for Sustainable Sustenance (SSS) told CronkNews: “At first we [the SSS] were concerned that the salad bar would be full of inorganic items grown in he runoff water of our hyper-industrialized society, but Mr. Claude Duncan was made to see things our way.”

Duncan agreed with Ames, assuaging the SSS’s concerns by explaining there would be tofu and edamame in the salad bar on alternating days. “Hey, the international students from Japan will love it too,” he said.

Also announced was a new marketing and public relations program for this new salad bar service. Duncan explained, “After extensive research into student interests, our staff decided on the slogan ‘Make It at the Bar’. Duncan went further. “I want these students ‘making it at the bar’ – the salad bar that is. And I’ll be happy to stock ‘the bar’ with whatever they like – so long as it’s not gin or vodka,” Duncan joked.

The crowd buzzed with excitement afterward. “I can’t believe that I’ll be able to make my own salad.” Susan Fayerweather, a senior at the college said. Ralene Dieterson a junior business major agreed: “This is what I’ve come to expect at Waverly State – cutting edge programs and services. But I must ask Mr. Duncan to explain the sneeze guard and its operation again.”