Students Finally Realize Dean Jenkins Is an Asshole

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Staff at Bridgestone College are breathing a sigh of relief following students\’ realization that the formerly-beloved Dean of Student Services, Annabelle Jenkins, is actually an asshole.

I always thought Dean Jenkins was the only one who cared about us since she was the only one who would give us budget money or reverse a decision made by one of her underlings,” said student leader Kurt Schoebel. “Last week, I overheard her yelling at her staff for talking to us and validating our ideas. She said that was her turf. I think she might be an asshole.”

For years, a code of silence existed among staff who reported to the uber popular Dean Jenkins. Some former employees said they weren\’t allowed to have their own opinions or exercise discretion with students.

We weren\’t allowed to have any conversations with students in which the students could walk away feeling good. It was difficult to operate without a budget, too,” said one former staff member. “Since I escaped, I still have dreams that Dean Jenkins is coming to get me.”

Most professional staff refused to comment, but a student worker spoke to us off the record.

I used to work in the dean\’s office,” said the student. “Dean Jenkins was the only administrator who was nice to me, and I thought she was the coolest, most amazing woman I\’d ever met. A couple times, I saw people from the administration off campus and they seemed really cool. I couldn\’t figure out why they did mean things like enforce rules or make our clubs stay within our budgets. Now that I\’ve done an internship and learned that people have to make difficult decisions, I\’m scared the asshole rumors might be true.”

Executives at Bridgestone College are unsure what to do with the bronze statue of Dean Jenkins and the plaque for The Only Caring Sensitive Staff Member We Know, that Student Senate was supposed to dedicate this fall.