Technology experts at the Galveston Institute of Technology (GIT) have made significant advances in the search for empirical proof of true love. In collaboration with GIT’s department of interpersonal psychology, the following data will be published soon in Emotiscience Monthly.
According to Dr. Guillermo Ovechkin, “While we haven’t found evidence of true love, we have narrowed down the key indicators that show absence of true love.” Those include:
- A partner who indicates a status of “single” or no status at all.
- A partner who does not reciprocate wall posts on at least a 2 post to 1 post ratio.
- A partner who does not reciprocate the emotional tone of a status update. Example: Partner 1 says “I had the most romantic time of my life last night” while Partner 2 posts “Have you ever puked in your sock drawer? FML, lolz.”
Psychology undergraduate Jamie Winderland finds the evidence less than convincing. “This is crap. My boyfriend and I have an awesome relationship, and he never writes anything about me. He’s just shy about telling anyone we’re a couple. I try to make up for that by posting twice as many pictures and comments about how in love we are.”
“We’re convinced that we’ll find more evidence of true love as we search deeper,” says Dr. Ovechkin. “Unfortunately, this stupid new Live Feed feature makes us want to quit Facebook and teach it a lesson.”