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UNC Seeks to Rebrand Itself after Basketball Poop Storm

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The University of North Carolina, in an attempt to re-image itself after its Tar Heels basketball team\’s terrible performance and public relations nightmares, has hired a creative team to develop fresh ideas for rebranding.

Following the lead of UNC\’s most famous alumnus, Michael Jordan, who rebranded himself several times throughout his career, the creative team has proposed that UNC\’s institutional strategic planners consider the following new priorities:

  • Baseball
  • Making Disney movies
  • Hanging out with losers like Charlie Sheen to make themselves look better

UNC head coach Roy Williams has responded positively. “We need to humble ourselves and really listen to this advice,” said Williams. “We were planning to just recruit a stellar team and improve on fundamentals, but I see now that we were short-sighted. Our PR department is calling Mel Gibson as we speak.\”