Epic Poetry Heralds National Move-In Month

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In celebration of National College Move-in Month, Cronknews is publishing its first poetry. It\’s even the rhymy parody kind! Enjoy.

An Ode to Move-in Day Eve

by Brody Truce
CronkNews Poet Laureate

T’was Move-In Day Eve, and all through the dorm,
Not an RA was stirring, and the rooms were quite warm.
The nametags were hung on the doorframe with flare,
In hopes that the residents knew we would care.

\"\"The RAs were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of lanyards danced in their heads.
And Brody with water and Irma with Boones,
Had just settled in for a big bowl of prunes.

When out on the quad there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from our chairs to see what was the matter.
Away to the lobby we flew like a flash,
Tore open the door and knocked over the trash.

The moon on the breast of the newly mowed lawn,
Would be filled with parents, minutes from dawn.
A noise to the left gave us both quite a start,
T’was Leah Wescott on a mini golf cart.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
We knew in a moment it was Janitor Rick.
Leah jumped to the roof of the little golf cart,
She was dressed for success and she looked quite the part.

\”Now Irma! Now, Brody! Your dorm looks like shit!
Or residence hall…whatever you call it.
To the top of the lobby! Inside the bathroom stall!
Now clean away, clean away, clean away all!\”

She leapt from the cart like her skirt was on fire,
Sure not to scuff her shoes on the tire.
And into the lobby, she and Rick flew,
With the bucket of cleaners, and dust mops too.

Then, in a jiffy, she was mopping the stair,
Not a bit of the work was mussing her hair,
Irma and Brody, we looked quiet perplexed,
At the sight of our editor, so out of context.

She was decked out in contour, from head to foot,
With dainty pink gloves to protect her from soot.
And from her left hand hung a new Birkin bag,
A juxtaposition to her right hand; a rag.

Her eyes, how they twinkled! Her dimples so merry,
Her cheeks were like roses, her lipstick was cherry.
Its clear why she’s been compared to Tina Fey before,
With her super-cute glasses that were made by Dior.

Brody and Irma just watched her in awe,
As she scaled the stairs and swept wall to wall.
Her wrists were decked out with silvery bangles,
That shook as she cleaned, like musical jangles!

Irma declared, “Cleaning’s bad for your health,”
And then mustered a smile, in spite of herself.
Brody lifted a finger, to give Leah a hand,

But she shushed him away because she was grand.
In a matter of minutes, the res hall was pretty,
When just moments before Leah said it was shitty.
As she fled towards the door, she inspected her work,
With dainty white gloves and her signature smirk.

She ran to her golf card, and to Rick gave a whistle,
And away they both flew away like the down of a thistle.
But we heard her exclaim, as she drove out of sight,
\”Happy Move-In to all, and to all a good-night!\”