Interns Scramble to Justify Summer Bitchwork as Academic

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by Irma Pelt
Senior Staff Writer

As the summer draws to a close, many college students are faced with the arduous task of defending their internship experiences against the predefined learning outcomes provided by their academic departments.

“This was a highly competitive internship,” said Brandi Estrada, a senior at Bomgren State University. “My advisor was convinced this would be the stepping stone to a career in public relations.”

Estrada completed her internship at Sander & Boren, a public relations boutique in Chicago.

“It was just bitch work,” said Estrada. “The only PR I actually did was sucking up to the baristas at Starbucks who hated the company owners.”

Estrada has spent the last three weeks of her summer vacation writing essays to create the appearance that the work she did fits the internship criteria for her degree program.

“Like, I was supposed to gain experience writing press releases. I wrote some fake ones to my friends on Facebook with updates about the shit going on in the office. That totally counts in my book,” said Estrada.

Estrada’s academic advisor, Jackie Shippee, is responsible for reviewing Estrada’s internship portfolio.

“Honestly, I’m not even going to read it,” said Shippee. “Internships are a test of resilience more than a test of academic fortitude. If I read it at all, it will be to see how well she’s able to exaggerate her experiences.”

Terry Erb, a history major at Sinclair Compton College, completed his internship at the National Museum of Television History.

“I was supposed to learn about archiving and restoration,” said Erb. “I know a whole lot about how the museum’s lead curator was banging his secretary in the restoration lab.”

In light of his situation, Erb focused his final summer research paper on restoration of digital surveillance footage thought to be deleted.

“I got a pretty sweet bonus at the end of the summer,” said Erb, who noted that the National Museum of Television History would be paying his tuition for the upcoming academic year.

“Yes,” said Erb, “from what I\’ve learned about the real world, I’d say this internship taught me a lot that applies to my future.”