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Students Confused by Abstract Orientation

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by Brody K. Truce
Senior Staff Writer

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On the heels of four years of negative feedback about student orientation, the Office of Student Orientation at The College of Eastern Nevada took an unusual departure from their normal agenda this year.

“Times have changed and our students don’t want to sit through hours of presentations about personal safety and academic success,” said Angie Ramirez, Director of Student Orientation. “They want drama.”

And drama is what they received. Employees from the Office of Student Orientation collaborated with the theater department to deliver an abstract rendition of Oedipus Rex, adapted to subtly deliver important messages to students about topics such as safe alcohol consumption and dining hall options. Faculty were wowed by the presentation.

“Bravo!” Exclaimed Darcy Wainwright, Professor of Classics. “This has been the most captivating first-year orientation yet. I know I’m not the only one to give this year’s orientation a standing ovation.”

Students, on the other hand, expressed confusion over the program.

“It was really hard to understand,” said David Johnston, a first-year student from Ames, Iowa. “Where I’m from, we just say what we mean. And we also don’t use the words ‘thee’ and ‘thy’ too often. But I guess this is what college is about.”

“I don’t understand what sleeping with someone’s mom has to do with my meal plan,” said first-year student Chelsea Wong. “And the masks were just creepy.”

Next year’s orientation will reportedly be presented in Kabuki.