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GA Forgets Salad Bar, Ruins Diversity Retreat

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by Joel Pettigrew
Freelance Writer

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This past weekend saw diversity disaster strike at the annual Vice President’s Diversity Retreat at Great Forest State Park in Colorado. The retreat, sponsored by Two Hills University, was coordinated this year by Alex Grey, a second-year master’s student. The retreat itself was running smoothly until lunch on the second day was served for the participants, and it featured only meat dishes, including a prime rib station, but no vegetarian options, not even a salad bar.

“I was really disappointed,” said Tracy Walters, a sophomore English major and five-year vegetarian. “I am diverse, but now all I feel is oppressed by the University, as they only obviously care about students who embrace a carnivorous lifestyle.”

Grey initially tried to play off the oversight as a mistake on the state park’s part, but an invoice provided by the resort manager proved otherwise.

“Yes, I thought it was odd there was a meat-only lunch. I mean, we get these retreats all the time, and I have never seen this before. I thought maybe we were hosting the Meat and Poultry Sciences Department again,” stated the catering manager in charge of the event.

Students were extremely impressed with the retreat up to that point, especially the workshop titled “Diversity, Social Justice and Equity–Oh My!”, but many are now worried that this slip up may foreshadow future issues on campus.

“Yeah, I am already lobbying my student senator to make sure the university doesn’t change its rules on punishing those who sleep in class. Just because I’m different and wiser and need to rest my eyes doesn’t mean I should suffer,” said Reginald Masters, a 91-year-old sophomore economics major, one of several nontraditional students at the retreat. “I’m worried they’ll take away my priority reservations on the Rascal Scooters the school owns if they are this willing to take away salads from the hippies.”

Tracy Walters is taking her newfound fire and passion around diversity and plans to take action once she gets back to campus and her organization, SALAD (Students Against Liking Animal Diets). “Usually I don’t like diversity retreats, but this is one time that I wish they had shoved diversity down my throat. I still haven’t gotten a meal.”