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“I enjoyed my time with the Ervings very much,” said Aggarwal. “I just didn’t understand all their jokes about the Bengals and Redskins.”

Freshman Nitin Aggarwal from Phillmore College just had to go and ruin Thanksgiving for the Ervings, a local family that hosted Aggarwal while the Phillmore campus closed for the holiday.

“We thought it would be nice to invite one of the poor oriental students,” said Mrs. Erving, the assistant manager of the local Nickel & Dime Happy Time Mart. “We don’t want to call him rude, because he was very polite. I think he’s just culturally ignorant.”

“The Mrs. and I had thought this out carefully,” said Mr. Erving. “We asked for an Indian so we could be sure he understood the tradition of the Indians and pilgrims. Turns out this guy was clueless about the whole story, and also a friggin’ vegetarian.”

“We tried to make him feel comfortable by teaching him about modern American,” said Mrs. Erving, “but it turns out his family had a car and running water and all that stuff already. I’m starting to think he’s not really from India at all.”

“I was scared that he wouldn’t know English,” said Mr. Erving, “but he actually got higher verbal scores on the SATs than our daughter. She got wait-listed at Phillmore, and now I think it’s because of whatever affirmative action program this guy must be in.”