Sorority Girl Ruins Quidditch for Everyone

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"She was dressed like a fancy house elf and everyone knows they don't play Quidditch,” said one of the Red Fawkes players.

Team members of the Eastern Phoenix University Quidditch team, the Red Fawkes, were devastated Saturday morning when Alpha Mu Alpha sorority sister Holly Chaffee joined their practice.

Quidditch is a rugby-like game introduced by author J.K. Rowling in her best selling Harry Potter book series. In the books, students use magic to play a rugby-like sport in the air, riding brooms. In recent years, a land-based version of the sport has gained popularity among college students. Last fall the International Quidditch Association hosted the first Quidditch World Cup and rumors persist that the IQA hopes to obtain NCAA recognition for intercollegiate competitions.

“She showed up on the pitch hungover and still dressed up from a costume party at one of the frat houses the night before,” said Amy Wolodarski, who captains the Quidditch team. “She thought we’d been at the party, too, since we were wearing our uniforms.”

“It was the most awesome afterparty I’ve ever been to,” said Chaffee of her morning on the pitch. “There were all these kids chasing each other and galloping around on brooms. They most have been totally smashed. I played lacrosse and field hockey in high school so I immediately fit in. I beat the pants off their goalie like 30 times. He was probably stoned.”

“I think I might quit,” said Andrew Grossman who plays [goal] keeper for the team. “We’ve been practicing for weeks and she just walked in here and humiliated all of us. All of the confidence we’d built thinking we might be ready to play another school was destroyed.”

“I hate her,” said Katie Randolph who recently joined the team. “I thought this was the one place I could be the pretty one on campus. As soon as Holly showed up, all the guys acted like asses. As if!”

“I tried to be nice, but she didn’t even know if she was a Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff!” said Eli Wang with a snort. “If anything, she was dressed like a fancy house elf and everyone knows they don’t play Quidditch.”

“I can’t wait to come back next week,” said Wolodarski. “This was great cardio!”