by Dexter Woodlawn Freelance Writer After being left at the altar by the National Association of Student Personnel Association (NASPA), the American College Personnel Association (ACPA) is now stuck going on the planned honeymoon alone, despite a promise from NASPA that they “could remain good friends.” NASPA recently made the decision to pull out of [...]

Attorneys for Grandfield University college student Karina Noone have announced that Noone is suing her campus work study supervisors for violating her civil rights. Noone claims her position in dining services originally met all of her expectations. “I was a cashier at the trendy cappuccino bar on campus,” said Noone. “Then they told me I [...]

Archeology major Wendy Markell packed Professor Mary Louise Grandy into her car last Saturday and took her to the most recent filming of the PBS program “Antiques Road Show.” “I’ve had Dr. Grandy’s modern literature classes for three years and I was just curious what she was worth,” said Markell. “Her lessons seem really old [...]

by Dana Lancer Freelance Writer In a decades-long nursing study involving dozens of hospitals and tens of thousands of patients, researchers have determined that hospital patients dislike being awakened during the night for interventions. The study was led by a team at the College of William & Mary’s School of Nursing in Williamsburg, VA, and [...]

Campus emergency procedures were put in place at Julienne University when Laura Bogan, assistant director of dining services, was seen having coffee with Vice Chancellor Anita Kroft. “I was suspicious as soon as I walked into the campus café,” said Bogan’s supervisor Brandy Downes. “What were they talking about? Why did Dr. Kroft want to [...]

by Schubert Lovenkraft Freelance Writer Victor’s Surprise, an industry leader in the edible undergarment business, has expanded into the world of convention accessories by unveiling a new line of edible conference lanyards. “We was talking about ways to expand the family business,” explained company boss Joey ‘Big Daddy’ Gambini. “Then Sal saw these fancy name [...]

After months of speculation, rumors a Civility Nanny iPhone app have proven true. According to its developers at NanoSmile Inc., Civility Nanny is the perfect tool for faculty and staff committed to maintaining a campus climate defined by civility. Before any staff meeting or interpersonal encounter, the users can pull out their phones and tell [...]

by Jeffrey Ross Freelance Poet Not our usual satire, but it’s nice to take a break while the CEOs of our nation’s community colleges converge at their PASI conference. I Sprawling fifteen city blocks The county’s only postsecondary thing Was the campus of the college. II The college had three challenges Each lovely Academic, Technical, [...]

  In an unprecedented display of punctuality, Assistant Director of IT Services Wanda Sternbloom arrived on time to accept her 25 Years of Service Excellence Award, along with a $100 gift card, last Tuesday. “It was amazing to see her walk in on time,” said Sternbloom’s colleague Jeff Cranson. “Our boss has hinted around for [...]

by AJ Marshfield Freelance Writer Florida East State University Residence Hall Coordinator Jason Picks reported a suspicious parent this week to the university’s threat assessment team. According to Picks, parent Miranda Washburn sent him an email stating she is absolutely paying $14,000 a year in housing costs so her daughter Sarah can have “an incredibly [...]