Grammar professor Marjorie Kitt was fired from her position last week amongst allegations that she had consistently misused quotation marks she drew in the air with her fingers.
“It’s was an offense to our department,” explained Dean of English Corrine Samuels. “She put quotations marks around seemingly everything without regard to legitimate rules of grammar. It sends a message to the campus that we don’t take language seriously.”
“I just want to know that there’s a standard of grammatical equity,” said Kitt in her letter of appeal. “I never corrected our secretary when he constantly emphasized that his car ‘was a piece of crap – literally.’ In fact, I believe even Dean Samuels has taken liberties with the word ‘ironic.’ Come to think of it, that actually is ironic.”