by AJ Marshfield Freelance Writer After the stress of midterm exams and the tension of homecoming pride competitions, college students from Treelawn State University look forward to letting loose on Halloween, the one night each year they can break completely free of their normal routines. A temporary Halloween-themed store at the mall near Treelawn’s campus [...]

Members of the Pro-feminism Clan at Wyoming State University await word of the historic academic senate vote to decide whether to support a new policy banning the word “ghoul” from all Halloween celebration events. “We are grown adult women, not ghouls,” said Molly Dawson, who spearheaded the writing of the proposed legislation. Dawson said she [...]

Can’t wait for The Cronk’s newest Halloween stories? They’re coming soon, but we don’t want you to forget these treasures.  Judicial Affairs Officer Devestated at End to Halloween Mayhem 2010′s Most Culturally Insensitive Halloween Costumes Goth Chick Is Super Duper Psyched for Halloween Supervisor’s Office Haunted by Ghost Sending Unpopular After-Hours Emails

by James Hithergreen Freelance Writer Health educators at Wassail University are taking on the problem of drinking games by teaching students what some consider to be the best way to avoid over-consumption: Winning. “We figure most students are going to play these games at some point,” said Associate Director of Student Health Services Burt Beirut. [...]

Mother Madre University has begun the process of requesting sainthood for recently-deceased student Kip Cunningham. Cunningham died after drinking too much and stealing another student’s car, which he drove through the campus’s cemetery and crashed into a 200-year-old statute donated by the university’s beloved founder Sister Agnes Gloria. The canonization request originated with Cunningham’s parents, [...]

Divoire University announced a historic change this week when it announced a new name: Divoire Multiversity. “I had never considered making the change,” said Divoire President Richard C. Clavin, “but our Committee for Proper Language was very convincing in its argument to move to a more positive, inclusive name.” “We started by analyzing the word [...]

Students from around the country, inspired by the grassroots Occupy Wallstreet movement, have taken the protests to their local campuses to make a positive change. “A lot of student ‘activists’ are doing fundraisers to send money to support the Japanese tsunami victims or the Americans devestated by hurricane flooding this fall,” said Teakwood College sophomore [...]

  The Department of Financial Aid at Lux Christi College has sent out an emergency alert to its staff at 3:00 p.m. today when Tonya York, assistant director of student aid, realized the staff had forgotten departmental secretary Alvina Cooper’s birthday. “Alvina is a bitch and we know there will be hell to pay if [...]

  For the thirteenth time in thirteen years, Professor Mikael Huckman’s write-in campaign to the Nobel Prize in Physiology was overlooked in favor of what Huckman refers to as “political hogwash.” Huckman has been the head researcher at the Sasquatch Studies Institute for over two decades and has appeared in over 100 self-produced documentary films [...]

Special Events Assistant Description Serve on planning team to develop a high quality special events menu including conferences, webinars and speaking engagements. Tasks would include feasibility exploration, site identification, logistical planning and execution. Perks could include travel. Qualifications Excellent communication skills (proven, not just claimed) A personality as warm as my mom’s chocolate pudding Experience [...]