University Announces New Online Humor Major

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It’s National Satire Month and we wanted to spotlight one of our favorite freelancers. Her stories frequently break all the rules we consider part of our brand of satire but they are always quirky and fun. When I saw this submission I knew it was perfect for the month of giving thanks to humor. I hope you agree. ~Editor, Leah

by I.M. Knott-Tawkin
Freelance Writer

Laughing right in the face of those who call online programs “a joke,” the Humor and Health Association (HAHA) announces its new online, fully unaccredited degree in conjunction with the University of Kleenecks.

“We are pleased to make these programs available,” Dr. E. Fison Quigley, Chief Humor Officer, said in a press conference. “There are plenty of colleges taking on the profound and serious issues. Our students will strive to lighten up.”

A bachelor of antics in humor, a master of antics in humor, and a doctorate in humor theory are among the programs to be offered. Students can complete their degrees at their own pace, unlike other frantic online programs.

“When you’ve stopped laughing, you’re done,” Quigley added.

When asked about career prospects, Quigley paused and said, “We haven’t spent much time thinking of that yet. We share that with our peer institutions in such fields as the humanities. We are basically here to rake in the dough and pontificate, or – in our case – riff. We’ll leave it to the students to figure out what to do with their degrees. Our college isn’t here to micromanage their lives.”

“Humor does often speak truth to power,” added public relations director Perky Watkins. “We expect our graduates to possess a little truth – but their power remains to be seen.”

Despite the lack of accreditation and central headquarters, Quigley says texts and emails from interested students have been coming in at all hours, many beginning with the word SPAM.

“That alone is a funny way to begin,” Quigley said.

Still, admissions criteria will be rigorous: Applicants must make both Quigley and Watkins laugh until they cry. Since both administrators are badly in debt pursuing this new venture in an effort to redefine themselves after a 10-year search for tenure-track positions in English and Psychocybernetics respectively, that will take some skill.

Once admitted, students will generate all their own material so there will be no need for expensive textbooks or even e-books or Kindles, which Quigley referred to with scorn as “Swindles.”

“Our students will do all their work on their own,” Quigley said. “This is not a Mickey Mouse degree. Mickey really wasn’t all that funny if you ask me.”

Faculty and student recruiting will be focused on those lingering near comedy clubs and in library lobbies as well as through targeted advertising in coupon books and supermarket bulletin boards throughout the country.