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The Faking

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by Jeffrey Ross, Parody Poet—with special thanks to The Waking—Theodore Roethke, Real Poet

Inspiration

I fake my study, take my learning slow.
I dis my grades for this I have no peer.
I learn by showing what I do not know.

We think by blinking. Have you eaten crow?
I fear my grant is shrinking year to year.
I wake to weep, and make complaining show.

Of those who write my papers, are they due?
God bless Taverns! I shall walk quickly there.
And hopefully forget where I must go.

Light up a smoke, but who can find a match?
Chinchillas dance upon a spinning wheel.
I wake to weep, and make complaining show.

Great Pumpkin left me numb and black and blue.
I cannot tie the laces on my boots.
And tipsy, cannot find the classroom door.

This faking keeps me ready. It appears.
What crawls away is honest. Has no fear.
I wake to weep, and make complaining show.
I learn by showing up in rain or snow.

Jeffrey Ross is the author of the upcoming novel College Leadership in Crisis: The Philip Dolly Affair