Graduated Students Demand Refunds for Useless Education

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by Skye Kopfgeschlagen
Staff Writer

"We deserve jobs!" yelled Harmony protesters. "We're going to keep partying until we get the treatment we're owed."

Recent graduates of Harmony University have raised signs and banners demanding refunds for what they term a “useless education.” Following months of job searching, December graduates who did not find positions prior to graduation have been forced to pick up part time jobs, move home to their parents’ house and continue the search for gainful employment. The dozen recent graduates who have camped out in front of the administrative building and refuse to move have dubbed themselves “Occupy Harmony” after the recent protests around the world.

One recent graduate, Stanley Formida, waving a banner that reads “I refuse to leave until I get my tuition back” stated, “I can’t believe this. They totally told me that I would have the road paved for my future and that I would be set for life if I came here and paid them a bunch of money.” When asked what his major was while attending Harmony, Mr. Formida said, “What difference does it make? Whether I was majoring in engineering or Muromachi Japanese aesthetics? I should have a job that pays a salary, has benefits, and encourages growth! Oooh look, free pizza.”

One professor spoke to us about the protests on the condition of anonymity, saying “Maybe these individuals need to find better things to do than sit around and complain — like attend classes for instance.” After informing the professor that the protesters are graduated students, he stated, “In that case get a job – any job – and move on.”

Harmony’s career development office has tried reaching out to protesters with practical job search advice.

Using tired buzz terms like ‘passion,’ ‘team’ and even ‘Occupy Anything’ are red flags to employers,” said career counselor Maggie Coleman. “Posting protest pictures on Facebook that include public urination and poor hygiene may not help either.”

I don’t know what they’re complaining about,” said current student Gwen Craven. “I’m going to wait out the bad economy by going to grad school.”