Professors Practiced Up for St. Pat’s “That’s Nothing. When I Was in College…” Patter

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InPicture 3 preparation for the day when everyone is Irish, college professors from every ethnicity, gender and age have rehearsed their best “When I was in college…” stories.

“It’s so fun to see students getting ready to drink themselves silly, as if they invented St. Patrick’s day,” said biology lecturer Paul Goden. “I love to see their surprise when I tell them how many ‘liquid emerald’ shots on downed when I was in college.”

“The alcohol culture has become so uptight since I was in college, it’s really sad,” said Gina Norman, who teaches advanced literature courses. “We should be able to model responsible drinking. If I can’t share stories of keg stands with students, how will they see that you can practice dangerous behaviors and turn out great in the end?”

“My students admire me as a scholar, but when I tell them I had my stomach pumped twice in college they wake up in class,” said social work professor Wade Lynch. “I’ve had some struggling students change their major to social work because they say I’ve shown them anyone can succeed. I’m humbled that I inspired them so much.”

Students say they appreciate seeing professors as real people.

“I always suspected Professor Reynolds was a bit of a loser,” said sophomore Phyllis Mitchum. “Hearing about how he threw up on his roommate confirmed it, and it does make me like him more. I don’t want a cool guy teaching me physics. I need the biggest dork on campus.”