by Teena Angst
Chiding State College has announced that it will revoke its recently adopted pet policy for live-in staff. Adopted only a year ago Housing Executive Director Franklin Bland cites “a dismal failure to departmental productivity” as the cause for revocation.
“We found that by having a pet policy our live-in staff members were leaving the office between 12:00 and 1:00 every day to feed puppies. We also found an overwhelming number our staff out of the office by 5:00 p.m.” Flustered, Bland commented, “It was just unacceptable to have so few staff members present during those times.”
Resident Director Sarah Barnes remarked, “It was just so easy to leave the office knowing I had someone at home waiting for me.” Hanging her head, Barnes admited, “In retrospect, I guess it meant putting the department second, which I should have never done.”
One student, who wished to remain anonymous, discussed the impact on her personally. “I would go to my RD’s office every day at 5:30 to talk about my roommates,” sobbing, she notes, “but then she just STOPPED being there!”
Assistant Director Raya Hofster explained, “It was particularly hard during training. During one training we actually had an RD raise his hand at 5:45 p.m. and explain he had to LEAVE!” Composing herself, Hofster noted, “Leave to go walk his dog! EBI is not going to explain itself! We were only on page 124. I was so distracted I just glossed over whether or not students agreed or slightly agreed that televisions were a good idea in the common area.”
The nail in the coffin for the pet policy occurred when some staff members began to isolate themselves from others. “We would do team builders and break for lunch,” noted Bland, “and you would look up from the cafeteria and see 11 out of 12 staff members having a puppy play date. Clear exclusion was going on in our res. life team.” Effective immediately the pet policy was terminated.
At the time of publication Bland would like us to note that Chiding Sate College is currently recruiting for multiple resident director vacancies with an immediate start date. Master’s required and 3-5 years of professional experience preferred.